14.12.2002 | 5:27 p.m.
I can see clearly now, the rain has gone...

Exams start tomorrow. Yes, finals start on a Sunday. Why isn't there some kind of law against this?

I spent all four hours of work studying about the International Debt Crisis and Agrarian Politics in South America and Asia. It made me realise something. I enjoy learning. I enjoy reading. I enjoy being. All the factors that make me feel otherwise are just fleeting. I'm still a firm believer in change being the only permanent aspect of our existences. I keep telling myself that, and finally, it has actually entrenched itself in my head.

Everything else is just fleeting.

I've made some terrible decisions this past year. Some out of stupidity, some due to hormones, others out of sheer desperation. I've regretted each one of them immensely. Every night before I go to bed, I beat myself up over them. But enough of that too. The main thing is letting go of the past. I've always led myself to believe that to do that, I'd need closure. So I looked for it. Everywhere. Where did that get me? Nowhere. But now I see that it's just a matter of inner strength and the actual desire to be happy. I am the only person who can make that happen. And it is happening.

I'm trying my best to transfer schools. I truly believe that that will help. University is supposed to be the most intellectually/creatively fertile time of one's life. I'm sick of getting good grades without even trying. The comfort I feel is nothing but stagnancy. Got to shake that off too. I cannot wait to get home and look into the journalism opportunities in Dubai. I cannot wait to get a response from Goldsmiths. I cannot wait to start my life all over again. Wait. My life has started all over again.

I feel a strange urge to dance to Odelay now.

deja vu? | jamais vu?