28.11.2002 | 11:02 a.m.
snsghjkshgsnbs bs b,

What am I doing? Why am I pushing away the one person that means anything to me?

I can't deal with this anymore. I honestly cannot deal with myself anymore. I can't deal with my feelings or my confusion or anything. I can't do it.

I feel like Holden in Chasing Amy, the part where he stops the car and spews his heart out to Alyssa - I feel like my breaking point is about to be reached. And I can't allow that to happen. It's not fair to him. It's not fair to me. So I'm trying to keep my distance for a few days, just until this despair fades away.

He is the only person I feel comfortable talking to about my depression. He is also the person I shouldn't talk to about my depression.

I'm such a fuck-up. I'm the epitome of a fuck-up.

deja vu? | jamais vu?