24.10.2002 | 7:00 p.m.
writing papers....or not.

I should not be writing in here. No, siree. I should be writing my paper for 'Experimental Music.' I'm rationalising my procrastination by saying to myself that it's due only on the 25th of November. As are 8 million other papers for my 8 million other classes. I shouldn't have come to school to write the paper. I really should have known better. The temptation of MSN, Launch, and checking e-mail every 45 seconds - Mmm...who can resist that?

Right now, Cornflake Girl is playing on Launch. I'm going out to dinner with a whole bunch of people tonight. We're probably going to the Chiquito's in Feltham. I can't even remember the last time I had Mexican food. Not that I ate it very often anyway.

The past 2 days have been a heady combination of inexplicable happiness and ruthless spending. I deserve to pamper myself, I keep saying, but still, I feel guilty as fuck. My cheque doesn't come through for another two weeks. I didn't want to spend much until then but...I hadn't bought anything except groceries for the longest time! As for the happiness bit....who knows why? I'm certainly not complaining. Even the situation with ________ has ameliorated considerably, and this time, I plan to maintain it. I plan to nudge all insecurities out of the way, and revel in the beautiful friendship it is.

Anyone else find their moods being dictated by their productivity? I honestly believe that this has something to do with the story I wrote. Strangely, one of the biggest causes of my depression the past few weeks was writer's block. And now that I managed to get that out of the way, my life seems so much more tolerable.

I should get back to my paper now. I wish someone was on MSN to distract me.

deja vu? | jamais vu?