19.10.2002 | 12:23 p.m.
free-associated writing...?

I wish I didn't have to be at school today. I don't really mind working; it's just that once I get off work, I don't really know what to do with myself. It's so much easier when I'm home. Indecision doesn't plague me like it does when I'm here. Should I stay at school? Should I go home? Daisy, want to go to Nando's? Should we go into Central? Should we live on candy for the evening?

I think the lack of light is affecting me already. The past week or so, the sun has been setting at about 5 and it's still dark at 7:45 a.m. I've also been unusually (as compared to the last 2 months) depressed this past week. I can't cope with the way I look at all. It's not just my body either; it's everything. I don't know how to explain it better other than saying, "I just can't deal with it."

I'm also scared I'm going to project my feelings for _________ on to Nick, like I did last semester. That's the stupidest thing I can do. I never really liked Nick. Yes, I was attracted to him, but I never stopped loving _________. Nick was just a ploy to distract myself. It didn't even work that well. 5 months later and I'm still hopelessly in love with ________.I'm setting myself up for more hurt than I can handle at this stage of my life. Not only will I get rejected, but I will get rejected twice. My brilliance astounds me.

deja vu? | jamais vu?