17.10.2002 | 10:52 a.m.
it feels to be in a good mood!

I was all prepared to write an entry about the conversation Jenny and I had last night. It was all about our perceptions of relationships and how our parents' marriages had totally skewed them. I was all prepared to launch into an emotional tirade about how much Daddy hurt me when he left the house. And how I'm so scared I'll be exactly like Mama and silently suffer. And about how I'm so insecure because in the course of a 23 year marriage, my father has had 3 serious affairs and God knows how many one-night stands.

But. I just checked my e-mail.

And Nick wrote to me! A few days ago, I was leaving the lab in Kensington, and someone called out to me. Turns out it was Nick. I almost had a heart attack. He said, "Aurina! Hey! I haven't seen you this semester at all!" and I was thinking, "Oh dear Lord, I haven't seen you since the night I told you I had feelings for you." He was so nice though. We talked about our summers and reminisced about that night I spent in his room talking about the Coens and The Beatles. Then he said he had something for me, and handed me a screenplay. I looked at it quizically and he said it was The Blade Runner sequel he wrote for class last semester. He said he saw me come into the computer lab and printed it out because he wanted me to read it. That was really random. It's six months after he wrote it!

I read it, and it was really really good. I sent him a text message on his phone last night to tell him so but he never replied. So today,I check my school e-mail and there's an e-mail from him. He said he was 'truly glad' I liked it because he 'valued my opinion a lot.' He also talked about how shitty his midterms were; how shitty his classes were....And..it just feels good because I did value our friendship a lot. He was so much fun to be around. Since he moved to Kensington,and since our little 'talk' before I left last semester, I thought that he would probably just ignore me, or smile politely. I never thought we'd be real friends again. I under-rate people sometimes. Or well. I'm just really insecure.

I feel like such a little girl. I don't even like him anymore, but I still feel like a little girl. And it feels fucking awesome.

deja vu? | jamais vu?