22.09.2002 | 3:59 p.m.
huff,puff,blow the house down.

It's almost 4 in the afternoon. Outside rain falls with teasing complacence. Too warm for a coat; too cold to wear a shirt. The greyness of the sky is smirking. It freaks me out when the weather mirrors my mood. It happens way too often in this country. The Pixies are playing cheerfully in my earphones. There is a wait so long (so long) .

How long *will* I wait? How long will it take for memories to regain their intangibility? How long will it take for me to reconcile myself with hurt? How long will it take for someone to love me? How long before I will be able to separate abuse from sex? How long before I lose every vestige of sanity I ever possessed? How long before I will want to jump off a ledge again?

I can't even write today.

deja vu? | jamais vu?