08.09.2002 | 1:15 p.m.
to give your love no matter what,is what she said.

This is exactly what my life should be like. I should feel happy all the time. I should be able to sleep contentedly, snuggled under blankets, dreaming of meeting Steve Buscemi. I should have faith in my talents. I should have friends I can talk to. The kind that make me feel beautiful and intelligent and talented and loved. I should be able to discuss imminent movie plots with them with the same seriousness as leave-in conditioner. I should be able to profess my ambitions of being a performer without being embarassed. I should be able to share my writing with them without being afraid. I should be able to hug them tight and tell them I love them. I should be able to break into song randomly. I should be able to drink Dr.Pepper from the same straw as them. I should be able to eat with them without being conscious of eating too much or too little. Being back in London has graciously presented me with all of that.

I am happy. This semester will not be a re-run of the last one. I will not spend my energy collapsing on the table at the Village. Or sitting by the graveyard at 4:00 am listening to The Turtles. Or editing my papers neurotically, convinced that they're worthy of only Bs.

It won't happen.

Last night the girls - Jenny, Monica, Daisy, Josie and I - went down to Nando's. A cloud of deja vu hung over the entire evening, not unkindly. We waited for the bus in the unexpected cold. None of us had jackets on and so our arms were crossed as we laughed about how in the time the bus actually arrived, we could walk down and probably even order. Fifteen minutes passed and we decided to walk down. Past the furious wind emanating from the Terrace. Ten steps away from the bus stop, and the 371 rumbled towards us and we ran back giggling like schoolgirls. Deja vu smiles. It was past 10:30 by the time we ordered and settled down. I decided that "Hit me with your rhythm stick" was the song to sing that evening. No one but Jenny and I knew the song and everyone else thought it was the funniest thing they had ever heard. God Bless Ian Dury.

Monica and I are moving in officially this evening. We have fish in our pond. And there's a....fish person who will take care of them for us. We also have an address now. The phone line should be fixed by Monday or Tuesday. Classes start tomorrow.

In other news,Monica and I have decided to make "Save Theo" t-shirts (yes,it's a Ferris Bueller allusion) and sing the "Moose Song" on the tube to raise money to get Theo's ass back here.

"I've had many lovers,

My morals are loose,

But I've never had anything

Quite like a moose

And it's moose,moose....I like the moose..."

Who has doubts that that won't raise thousands?

deja vu? | jamais vu?