01.08.2002 | 9:09 p.m.
watching the days go by.

I watched Office Space today. It was funny. I probably would've enjoyed it a lot more if I wasn't in such a bad mood. I went on a binging spree today. No matter how much I ate, I just wasn't satisfied. The more I ate, the more terrible I felt,and the more terrible I felt,the more I ate. I was so upset, I went to Sarvodaya and rented Office Space because I'd heard it was hilarious. But through the movie,I felt so disgusted with myself. The entire 90 minutes was spent arguing whether or not I should throw up. I'm proud to say I didn't. I've realised once I get past the initial urges, I'm all right. I'm trying to be positive about it. It's been a long long long time since I've eaten like this. Hell,it's been a long time since I've eaten at all. I can't expect this transition to be easy. This is probably the most challenging time of my life. And I want to come out of it alive and happy and Aurina-like.

I keep forgetting to mention 2 things:

1) I finally got my nose pierced. I was sceptical but it really does look nice. Anam told me I was born to get my nose pierced. I wouldn't take it that far,but it is kinda pretty. It didn't hurt much either. An involuntary tear rolled down my cheek while he jabbed it in, but that was all. It hasn't even gotten infected or anything yet. Right now,it's a tiny tiny tiny silver ring, but as soon as I can change it,it's going to be a tiny,tiny,tiny diamante stud. I am such a girl.

2) I finally watched 'Waking Life'. I'm not too familiar with Richard Linklater. All I know is that "Newton Boys" SUCKED and "Before Sunrise" made me want to shoot Ethan Hawke. I liked "Dazed and Confused", though I watched it a long time ago and don't remember anything about it. So Waking Life. I enjoyed it quite a bit. I think more than anything else,I found it very visually appealling. The animation was brilliant and it was quite obvious that each shot had been meticulously framed. And being the geek I am, I loved that the movie had little self-referential bits. I generally like when directors do that - Tarantino, Kevin Smith...and...others but I'm drawing a blank right now. Also the concept of waking up into another dream is something very personal to me. I've had so many dreams lately where I try to wake myself up so badly,but I never can. When I do wake up,things just get worse...and I realise it's another dream. I've banged my head against a wall and thrown myself off the bed to wake myself up sometimes...

BUT. (Eeks...I am turning into such a snob..) The Descartian theme of the film is not something I haven't discussed a million times. I remember one particular time sitting at the Terrace with Theo wondering if life was but a dream. If our dreams were our reality. What made one more real than the other? Why did longevity have to be the deciding factor? And finally, Theo put his guitar down and told me with nonchalant wisdom, "Fuck it. We're never going to know anyway." My point here is that a lot of the dialogues sound so unbearably pretentious, even if the pretensions are warranted by the topic at hand. It would probably make a better book than a movie. The visuals (did I mention that they were beautiful?) distracted me - I found myself marvelling at the nuances in each shot and suddenly I had no idea what the character was talking about. I would definitely watch it again though. I also want to read the script so I can pay attention to all the hypotheses. That would be nice.

Listening to: Is He Fair - Waikiki

deja vu? | jamais vu?