30.07.2002 | 12:27 p.m.
less than a month until London

I can't hold on to nothing anymore. I'm trying so hard not to break down again. I can't find reasons to survive all this bullshit. No matter what I do,I fuck up. I try to look out for myself,and hurt others in the process. I try to look out for others,and hurt myself in the process. I haven't been able to do much the past few days. I can't read or write or concentrate on a movie or anything. I can't get the support I long for because I won't let people next to me. Most people have no idea how I feel because I personify cheerfulness. Almost everyone I know has at some point told me I look "cheerful." It works fine for me because I don't want people to know what I'm really like anyway. Those who do know how I feel,I have successfully pushed away because I can't stand being a burden on others. I'd rather have them hate me.

I want Monica,dammit.

deja vu? | jamais vu?