2002-07-21 | 12:32 a.m.
oh sweet nothing,she ain't got nothing at all.

For the first time in ages, there is no music playing in the background. The only sound is the hum of air conditioner and the only voice is the one in my head. I looked through all my CDs and decided that there wasn't a single one that wasn't going to make me cry violently. The day has been so filled with normalcy that I know something is definitely wrong. The air has been thick with tension and unspoken misery but prosaic conversations belie the situation. "Channa and roti okay for lunch?"

"Yeah,Mama,whatever..."

"Okay. Is Kanika eating here?"

"Yeah. She loves Channa..."

"Excellent,then."

The evening was spent cross-legged on a floor that was once my playground,making plasticine stars with a 3 year old cousin I barely know. I was offered neatly cut slices of plum cake repeatedly; I politely refused each time. Relatives smiled at me indulgently, amazed that I was taking care of a child the way they took care of me. When we left,walking down fragile stairs, Mama took my hand and said she loved me.

We're going to have a Scrabble Match tomorrow. Mama, Tulu Mashi, Shomi Uncle and me. I haven't played since we went to Alibagh in December. It should be fun.

P.S- The older entries page is now working.

deja vu? | jamais vu?