2002-07-17 | 3:13 p.m.
I want to tell you my head is filled with things to say.

There's something I need to realise. Other people's strengths do not make me weak. It is the one sentence I have to keep repeating to myself until I finally absorb it. There is no point in being intimidated by people either. They're...just people. Not to sound like a weirdo, but I take solace in their mortality. I'm a sick sick girl.

Literally,even.

I got a terrible cramp in my leg earlier today. I made myself a glass of Electrol and it still didn't subside. I had to lie down and try my best to ignore it. One of these days I'm going to end up in the hospital fed through those scary looking pipes. Mama already thinks I need to see an endocrinologist and I'm pretty sure I do too. My metabolism is extraordinarily screwed up now. I wish people wouldn't always think that eating disorders meant an automatic desire to be on the cover of Vogue - that's not what it is at all. I also wish people wouldn't vilify skinny celebs or anybody for that matter by saying "Oh my God,she is soooo anorexic." If it's politically incorrect to make fun of overweight people, it should be the same way for those under weight. That's just how some people are built. It doesn't mean they're anorexic or bulimic or anything. Just like not everyone who's overweight is a lazy gourmand. Having an eating disorder is not a choice. A diet is a choice. I don't most think people realise how complicated it can be. And they should consider themselves lucky they don't.

I don't want to hear "don't do this to yourself". I want to hear "You don't need to do this to yourself".

I don't want to hear "you're fine the way you are". I want to hear "I love you the way you are".

Maybe I'm just an ungrateful bitch.

deja vu? | jamais vu?