2002-07-10 | 11:39 p.m.
i hate this.

Oh dear God. I should stop checking my e-mail because all it does is deliver bad news. Monica wrote me and said she might not come back to school. She finally told her parents that she didn't really believe in God anymore and they FREAKED out. They've basically ostracised her and told her to fend for herself from now on. So she has no financial support and coming back to London might mean homelessness. I wrote her back and asked her to live with me until she finds a place she can afford. Or even permanently if there's no other way. My budget can only get me a studio apartment, but Christ, I'd sleep on the floor or a couch or the fucking bath tub if it meant Monica could come back. I CAN'T imagine going back to school without her. I wouldn't be able to live. I don't need this right now. I can't even fathom how horrible Richmond will be without Monica. No more saturday evenings eating olives at Nando's, or Monday nights playing Simon and Garfunkel on the jukebox at the Roebuck or...or....late evenings eating bland garlic bread at the Village and laughing over Hugh Buckingham's nymphomania. And...God forbid, no more Monica hugs....

I can't deal with this. If the worst happens, two very vital sources of love and happiness in my life will be gone. The first one was indisputably my fault...but this....UGH. I feel so fucking helpless. Oh Mon,Mon. PLEASE try and figure something out....PLEASE let something work itself out. You can live with me for however long it takes, I hope you know. If there's anything, anything I can possibly do, please tell me. Please please please..

This can't be happening....

deja vu? | jamais vu?