2002-06-30 | 12:45 a.m.
my stomach hurts from missing people.

I was a good Indian girl today. I wore a salwar kameez after ages. Not only that, I also wore a bindi, Mama's Rajasthani silver earrings and lined my eyes with dark kajal. Needless to say, Anuma was pleased with me. She went on and on about how beautiful I looked when I dressed ethnically and how it looked so much better than my usual attire. Pfft. If she had her way, I'd be wearing salwar kameezes even to sleep.

I just got back a few minutes ago from dinner and coffee with Kanika. We had a pretty good time. I enjoy going out with her because we always end up laughing over the littlest things. Whether it's spotting someone who looks uncannily like someone else we know, or despairing over our lack of maths skills. We spoke about the situation with Anam and Vishesh, and she made me feel so much better about the whole deal. Anam was so accusatory when we last spoke, and it made me feel like shit. To be honest, I DO NOT need such pettiness in my life right now. I wish people didn't act 14 sometimes, because God, that is a terrible age to be. Dinner was alright. I ate a kebab or two, and told Kanika I wasn't too hungry. "You never eat!" she scolded me, and I said something really lame like "Sure I do. Just when you're not around." One red star for cleverness,Auri. We finished off by about 10:15ish, and neither of us wanted to go home that early so we ended up in the Barista at Bandstand. God, I love that place. Whoever thought of opening a branch there is pretty damned enterprising. Who can resist drinking hot cups of coffee while watching the waves crash on the promenade? Even coffee-haters like myself can't. Except we watch the waves without the hot cup of coffee. It really is a spectacular setting. Damn corporate coffee-houses.

I've been thinking, maybe it's not always such a bad idea to confide in people. Maybe sometimes confiding in people is the only way to get out of depression. I don't really trust myself though. Everyone around me is either 1) clueless about the situation 2) convinced I'm crazy 3) burdened as hell by me 4) Uninterested as long as it doesn't affect my behaviour when I'm around them. And then there's Mama who's in denial and always will be. Sigh. I think I'm just too presumptuous sometimes. I doubt people even want to hear my sob stories. I sure as hell wouldn't.

deja vu? | jamais vu?