27.12.2002 | 12:04 a.m.
this is our last goodbye...

I've given this a lot of thought - I'm going to discontinue this diary. I've wanted to do this for a long time, but ironically, I got too sentimentally attached to the electronic intangibility of it all. I've never really liked the idea of an online diary. It was too exhibitionist, too contrived, too paradoxical for my liking. Yet, over this summer, I started one. This site is the lovechild of desperation and loneliness, and yes, hypocrisy played a fair share in its upbringing too.

A lot of very personal material lies in the archives. A lot of stuff I cannot believe I put up for the public to read. It makes me cringe to think that faceless eyes have read about some of the most personal matters. I've always been very private with my writing. So much so that I had trouble submitting papers. To change that, I decided I would start an online diary. I guess like every good diary, a lot of times, it became my venting ground. I read a lot of the older entries last night, and realised that a lot of those feelings don't hold true at all. I felt them then but not surprisingly,they were ephemeral. I don't want to defined by those entries; I don't want to be known as just another angsty teenager. I am just about picking up the pieces of my life - this diary is just a reminder of how frail situations can be.

I've loved keeping this diary. I've come across some fabulously talented people - Chris, Gwensarah - made some good friends, Phil - and in general, been able to publicly hone my writing skills,something I was never able to do previously.

The voyeurism that feeds the internet both repulses and excites me. I just don't want to be part of it anymore. So farewell,diaryland. Y'all know where to find me.

deja vu? | jamais vu?